Let Go
by arowana
Summary: Generic one-shot of Magnus visiting Alec's grave after he dies, but with a twist.


EDIT; Just realized there was some wonky thing going on and all this HTML was in the story. Sorry about that guys.

A little one shot I had an idea for and went ahead and wrote it. It's unedited and was written on my phone so it may have a few mistakes.

Also before anyone asks - no, Magnus isn't suicidal. He's just less careful and it's scaring him. And he's extremely sad. But I never thought Magnus to commit suicide after Alec's death - he shouldn't have to to show he loves Alec.

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><p>The weather Idris was experiencing today seemed to fit Magnus' mood. The sky was bleak overhead and the wind nipped at his nose and made his eyes water. Though, that didn't really matter. He was probably going to start crying anyway.<p>

Magnus hated visiting Idris. Ever since Alec's death, he could barely look at the serene city without wincing in unseeable pain. In fact, he almost wanted nothing to do with the Nephilim; but for Alec's sake, he kept in contact with the Lightwoods.

He also attended a Clave meeting every once and a while, but he had stepped down from his position as the Warlock representative. He originally took a hiatus from the job when Alec's health was worsening, but once he passed away Magnus had left the job altogether. But the fight for gay and downworlder rights among the Nephilim was still an issue, and although it was much better since the marriage of Magnus and Alec and the battle against Sebastian, many were still narrow minded. Alec would also want that too; he was always very adamant about making the Clave more accepting and spreading the word of equality, albeit a little shyly. Alec couldn't do public speaking to save his life. Magnus couldn't help but smile from the first memory of Alec speaking out at a Clave meeting. He had been a sputtering mess and he managed to make it all sound wrong. Magnus had to swoop in and save his petty speech.

But those days were gone. Alec had died slowly, painfully. Magnus would never forget the moment he clutched Alec's hand, wanting to scream every time Alec let out a shuddering, painful sounding breath. "You can let go, Alec. I won't be mad." Alec had had this painful look pass over his face as he studied Magnus one last time. "Well, good. I hated it…. I hated it when you were mad." And then, he had died. The memory was still fresh in Magnus' mind, as painful as ever.

And now, here he was, standing in front of the Lightwood grave. Many names were displayed, some very old, some pretty recent. Gideon Lightwood. Robert Lightwood. Maxwell Lightwood. Alexander Lightwood. The name made his heart lurch. He sat down next to it, swiping off the dust and foliage that started to carve its way into the stone.

"it's been ten years," Magnus started, his eyes already brimming with tears, "And it still hurts like hell. But, I think I'm doing okay. I haven't seen anyone else. Okay, wait, maybe I had a couple one night stands. Don't hate me, though. It was all lust. I'll never love another like I loved you. I've kept that promise."

"Ezra, our son, he's doing well. He's the warlock representative now. I think the Clave needs him; he's so intuitive, so open-minded. And he's amazing with words. But that's to be expected, I mean, the Magnus Bane raised him."

"And you. You raised him too. And I can see so much of him in you. He thinks before he acts, he's crazy protective, and whenever he's talking about one of his interests he gets this little spark in his eyes like you have."

"As for me, I've been doing alright. But it hurts. I've taken after your golden boy, I'm far more reckless. And I realize it. I've done things I would never risk before, and I can't seem to care." Magnus paused, feeling his lip quiver. "It's like - it's like I'm not as optimistic about living anymore. And for so long, that's all I've done. Live."

At that last word, he broke. He wiped away tears blackened by his heavy eyeliner and put his head in his hands.

Moments later, he heard a rustling beside him.

"I heard it all." A deep voice mumbled. "Dad - please don't say those things."

Magnus dug his face deeper in his hands for a moment before lifting his gaze to meet a pair or solid raven eyes. The color of Alec's hair. "You weren't supposed to hear that."

"Well, I did. And don't say those things. I like you just as you are now - alive."

Magnus studied his son for a long moment. He had stopped aging recently, at the age of 22. He now looked like one of Magnus' peers, but little did the mundane world know that Magnus was centuries older than the navy skinned warlock. He looked tired, and like he had been crying himself. Magnus stayed silent for a moment before embracing his son in a hug. "I'm sorry I couldn't be any stronger for you."

"Hey, don't go blaming yourself. That's what Pops always did." Ezra replied with a bittersweet smile.

"He did, didn't he? And he was just so ridiculous and infuriating sometimes - " Magnus stopped himself with a strained chuckle. "But the good outweighed the bad."

"Yeah. He was great." Ezra replied, pulling back from his father to look him in the eyes and gave a warm smile. "Remember that one Christmas, and you had gotten me that expensive ass - " Magnus interrupted him with a stern "Language" " - car and Pops was just like 'When did we get him a CAR?' and he refused to talk to you the rest of the night."

Magnus couldn't help but laugh. "Yes. I had said I didn't even pay for it, and it had just made him angrier." He let out a nostalgic sigh. "We had the best make-up sex that night."

Ezra's face twisted in disgust. "Ew. I did not need to know that."

Magnus hummed, then pulled his son in for another hug. "Thanks for lightening the mood."

"Yeah. Just, if you really feel that way, please talk to someone."

"You sound just like your father."


End file.
